I think that at this point, the whole world knows that the United States Women’s National Soccer team won the world cup. I love soccer and I love watching this team play and I followed each player and their journey to becoming the world champions. Carli Lloyd, the MVP of the world cup, said something in an interview that caught my attention. She said “I am a fighter. I will stand strong. I will stumble and I will fall but I will never give up.”
She didn’t say that she “may fall” but she said “I will fall”. There is no doubt about it that in this life, you will fail and experiences hardships. But, your reaction to those are what makes you, you. No matter how great of a person you are and how nice you are, there will always be someone that pushes you to your limit, and convinces you that you should give up. That your fight isn’t worth it. Well I am here to tell you that it is so worth it. Your fight for life is worth it.
Being a fighter does not mean you won’t fall and you wont experience obstacles. Being a fighter can only be defined by you. You may struggle with an addiction to self-harm but you haven’t reached for a blade in 2 weeks. You are a fighter. You may have a chronic illness and go to the hospital once or twice a week. You are a fighter. Or you may just be having a hard time and you got out of bed every single day this week. You are a fighter. A fighter can cry and kick and scream because that is how we as humans experience emotions. Some may get angry and some may just cry (I just cry). Being a fighter or classifying yourself as a one doesn’t mean you don’t have feelings. You do not have to be a brick wall with no emotions to be strong. You just cannot ever give up.
I will not sugar coat it. I almost gave up. I almost ended it all because I didn’t know how to cope with what I was going through. I felt like I ripped apart my family by being honest about my trauma. People were cruel to me and I couldn’t handle everything I was feeling. But I was a fighter, because in the end, I didn’t give up. I never truly wanted to. I just wanted someone to tell me that it was okay to feel what I was feeling. I feel all of my emotions so deeply. I love deeply and I get hurt deeply. It is a blessing and a curse because I love with all my heart but that can hurt sometimes. But I embrace it because that is who I am. That is how I make connections with people. Some “friends” used to tell me that I wasn’t tough because I was sensitive and they said I wasn’t strong. No one ever told me that I was allowed to feel deeply. No one ever told me that I was a survivor. No one ever told me that I had all the strength and spirit that I needed already inside me. But through my own healing, I learned that how I deeply and how much I feel is okay. Just because I hurt doesn’t make me a wimp, it makes me human. People knock me down 9 times but I stand up 10. (Sometimes it just takes longer to stand up than others and that is okay too).
I want you to know and hear that your small victories that maybe no one else notices but you, are meaningful. I want you to know and hear that you are a fighter for surviving. And some days just surviving is all you can do. That is okay. You are a fighter and you stand strong. When you are backed in a corner with no one else there to help you, let your strength take over. Feel your emotions because that is how you heal. If you need to cry for 2 hours straight one day to let everything out, do it. Never let another person take away your fighting spirit. Because we all have that spirit. We have to know in our hearts that if you let that spirit take over, the pain will get better. You have more strength in your heart than you could ever imagine. A fighter like you and I never gives up. Do not ever give up. I have your back and I am so proud of you for coming this far.